Chemistry. It’s the thing everyone wants but not everyone finds. Or of they do find it they find something else is missing.
The hard thing is, we don’t get to choose who we have it with as it’s largely an unconscious process.
The biggest complaint I hear among single people these days is that they didn’t feel the chemistry with someone or they felt it but the person they feel it with is lacking in other crucial areas.
If only we could choose who we have it with life would be a LOT easier.
The brain on crack
When we start to fall for someone our brains release the same chemical that a cocaine addict feels – that’s why life seems so amazing. The grass is greener and the sky is bluer and everything that person says or does is just amazing.
You’re essentially high.
Which is why we have the same conversation we have with our friends again and again again.
‘I went out with this girl but there was no spark’
‘I met this guy and he was so nice but there was no chemistry’.
Chemistry is basically familiarity with a type that you may have solidified in your brain when you were a teenager. This is why people have ‘types’ and screw themselves again and again by going for the same type the essentially goes nowhere.
If you’re feeling really high around someone it doesn’t necessarily mean its because you guys share a great connection – it’s because they’re familiar to you – not because they’re the love of your life.
A few girls I know have had a thunderbolt moment with certain men but they were very tumultuous partnerships. I’ve had one thunderbolt moment in my life in a video store in Sydney and I was unable to remember where my Blockbuster membership card was.
Choosing the right people to get high with
Let me put in perspective for you. If you’re looking for a partner for life (some of your aren’t so go crazy on getting high), then realise that this high you’re feeling won’t last forever.
Afterwards you’ll be left with this other human being wondering how you got attached when they don’t actually have the qualities you’re looking for in a partner.
Also, polarity can play a big part in chemistry. I don’t really like men who are like me – I find people with opposite qualities far more interesting to be around and many people will be like that.
It’s interesting though because we are often attracted to those people who embody some of the same qualities we have.
So what now?
The crazy thing is – when you’re feeling high with someone – you’re actually giving yourself those feelings (as hard as it is to believe.)
MS Dating has always been about giving people hope and encouragement in dating and enjoying it. Chemistry is one of the joys we get to have in life and for those who look for it, you will find it.
But be careful of the doses you look for it in.