‘He’s five years older than me’… and three other reasons Kiwis are losing out in dating

A client told me today that at 40, it was near impossible to get a swipe from women aged 35 – that’s simply a five year age gap and some women are considering a deal breaker.

Honestly, when I hear stories like this it makes me cringe. Because this wasn’t his experience overseas, it seems to be limited to New Zealand.

I’ve noticed the same trend – overseas the age gap thing seems to be far less of an issue than it is here.

In a country as progressive as New Zealand claims to be, it seems there are some entrenched beliefs that people are still clinging to and preventing them from finding a good partner.

1- They’re too old or young for me

In Europe and the UK, I’ve seen scores of women with men 10 years older or five years younger and it’s not even blinked at. For some reason, in New Zealand, we seem to have some very entrenched ideas about what people should be doing a certain ages and we’re reluctant to branch out from our three year age bracket and explore something new. Not every 35 year old woman is looking to have children right away and not every 25 year old man is looking to party every night. Stop with the assumptions.

2 – The man must do the initial chatting and asking out

Oh man, in New Zealand this one is a biggie. There are countless men who love a woman who can  initiate a conversation, approach them or even ask them out for a drink. We don’t live in the 18th century anymore where women are at the mercy of whatever man decides to court them. However, men, listen up, you need to be open to women doing this and not take it as a sign she’s too keen or feel like it’s not “how it should work” – many great women aren’t afraid to show initial interest and if you fob them off you’ll miss out on some great women.


3 – Men who hit on me in bars are not my type

I hear this a lot from men that many find the women here too hard to approach in a bar and have given up. Ladies, many men are just looking for an opportunity to talk to you and a bar is an obviously place. Be friendly and nice! And stop just assuming he’s not your type because you met in a bar. I’ve met some quality men in bars before and isn’t it a compliment that they saw you and picked you out to chat to?

4 – A person’s profession tells me all I need to know about them

What a person does everyday will tell you SOMETHING about them but not everything. Stop passing people up because their job doesn’t fit what you had in mind about what you wanted to end up with. Many men want a woman who is in a ‘caring’ profession such as nurse, teacher, beauty consultant and many women want a builder or a CEO in a suit. Being with people who have professions you may never have considered before means you may learn something new and isn’t that the spice of life? Expand your horizons.



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